Home!

Haley was released today! This morning, things weren't looking promising, but by noon her oxygen levels stabilized and they sent her home. Haley is still healing up, but our happy, energetic girl is back, and boy was she missed. We have to continue to give her some medicines and do breathing treatments with a mask for the next three days, but at least she's home and away from all the machines and doctors.

I am on cloud nine right now. My husband and I took off work all day today so we could spend some quality time with our girl. We cuddled, we colored, and then we cuddled some more. There was absolutely nothing else I would have rather done with my day.

Thank you to all of you who sent their thoughts and prayers our way, they are cherished. Now, I have to make up for all the lost time and finish planning Haley's birthday party this weekend! My only saving grace is that I started planning things out early, whew!

Quck update

Just a quick update on Haley. She's unfortunately still in the hospital, but we're hoping today is the day she will get to come home. The poor girl has so much fluid in her lungs that her oxygen levels aren't where they need to be, so the doctors and nurses are doing what they can to try to clear her lungs and help her to breathe better so she can come home. She has not been a fan of all of the X-rays and blood work, and neither are we. It's heartbreaking to see your little one so scared because she doesn't understand.

Haley is exhausted. If you've ever spent any time in the hospital, you know that it's not a very restful place. The nurses come in often to take blood, perform breathing treatments, and check her oxygen. I will be glad to get her home in her own bed soon.

Despite all the poking and prodding, we did manage to get a few smiles out of her yesterday. We got to unhook her from the machines and go for a walk in the halls and play with some toys and that cheered her up. And since it was her birthday yesterday, my husband went out and brought her back a cupcake and some Disney Princess nail polish and she got to have her nails painted, which is a treat we usually save for special occasions. It was nice to get a glimpse of the happy girl that we've missed over the past few days

I hope you'll excuse me while I am in and out over the next week or so while I tend to Haley and (hopefully today!) bring her home from the hospital. We have been planning her birthday party for this next weekend and with all of the events lately, I'm so glad we decided to plan it then rather than this past weekend. I'll be sharing some details from her party eventually once things calm down. I can't wait to bring her home and celebrate Haley turning 3 and being healthy again.

A difficult anniversary

I wrote this post to share with you the details concerning my difficult pregnancies, but also to encourage those of you who have also experienced high-risk pregnancies due to a small cervix. The post is long, but I hope those of you who need it are encouraged by my experience.

Today is an anniversary of sorts. Not a wedding anniversary, but one that changed my life just the same.

A year ago today, I was 31 weeks pregnant with my son. Despite the fact that I was feeling larger by the minute, I had been having a really great pregnancy. I had all the normal pregnant-woman-type things happen to me throughout my pregnancy - strange cravings for hot dogs and Cheetos, exhaustion, soreness - but this one was certainly not going the way it had when I was pregnant with my daughter.

Me 5 months pregnant with Haley and dressed up as a baby for our office Halloween party in '08

For those of you who probably don't know (because I started this blog after I had my daughter), I found out several years ago when I was 11 weeks pregnant with my first that I had a smaller than usual cervix. In order not to bore you or talk to much about girly parts, the cervix basically keeps the bun inside the oven while he/she bakes, then the internal timer goes off at 40 weeks and ding, the baby is done. For someone like me who has a short cervix, the oven door has been broken and the bun could come out of the oven way before it's done baking. This is especially a problem when you're only 11 weeks pregnant.

When I was told this information, I was laying on the exam table getting my first look at my little wiggling fetus on the screen. I wasn't prepared to deal with a faulty cervix, it didn't run in the family as far as I knew. All I knew at the time was that I was having my first child and I was over the top excited about it. My body was supposed to know what to do, I couldn't be bothered by this nonsense about a short cervix. Where was the receipt for this thing anyway? I didn't sign up for a faulty cervix.

As the days went on, I went in for visits every 2 weeks to monitor my cervix to make sure the baby wouldn't be born too early. I loved each visit because it meant that I got to see my little developing baby wiggle and squirm on the ultrasound with each visit. Before we knew that Haley was a girl, we called her Babby, a nickname that stuck with her even for a little while after her birth.

Haley at 22 weeks

Things went well for awhile and little Babby continued to grow, but as we neared Christmas, my faulty cervix had had enough. At one of my routine visits right before a planned road trip to visit my in-laws for Christmas, it was discovered that my cervix had begun to dilate. At only 27 weeks pregnant, I was admitted to the hospital for some tests which proved that I was contracting. I was devastated. There were tears (and a cancelled road trip) and I was told go home on bed rest and to restrict my activity to showers and sandwich making until the baby reached a safe level of maturity to warrant more activity. 

At the time, I was upset to know that I couldn't go about life as usual. As a young, very active person, I hated knowing that I had to be chained to the bed for at least 7 weeks with people waiting on me for all of my needs. This may sound like vacation to you, but believe me when I tell you weeks and weeks of watching TV with no option for any other activity gets pretty old. Looking back, I should have kept my mouth shut and been more thankful for the breakthroughs we've had in medicine that help to prevent people like me from going into labor well before the baby is at a mature level of development.

For someone like me who has a shortened cervix, there is a very real possibility of losing the baby or for the baby to be born too early and have developmental issues. How lucky was I that I had a doctor who knew enough to tell me to shut up, take my medicine, and think about the health of my child?

So I did just that. Except for the one time my in-laws came to town and wheeled me around the outdoor shopping mall in a wheelchair.

Escapee!

Thankfully, my body cooperated a little longer and Haley was born at 35 weeks, perfect in every way. She was tiny at 6 pounds, 2 ounces, but she had no issues whatsoever and was able to leave the hospital after a routine length of time in the hospital.

When I became pregnant with my son, I was prepared for the same song and dance. Every doctor's appointment was nerve wracking as I waited for the nurse to look at the screen and tell me "Your cervix is dilating again, to the hospital with you!" but those words didn't come. My appointments were still more frequent than most because of my previous complications, but by my 25 week check up when I was again told that nothing was wrong, I relaxed with the thought that I was in the clear.

At 30 weeks pregnant, my friends threw me a "baby sprinkle" (a baby shower for someone who has already had a baby before and has most items she needs). I had a great time, and felt completely blessed by all my friends who came. While I was there, I kept feeling what I thought was just the baby repositioning himself. Nothing painful, it just felt like he was poking his head hard into my abdomen.

Me at 30 weeks (photo courtesy of Christan Yarger)

I returned to my appointment several days later for a routine check up and while laying on the exam table getting the ultrasound, I saw a familiar image on the screen. The look on the nurse's face confirmed it. A dilated cervix. After confirming the diagnosis, the nurse left me in a room to wait for my doctor. "How could this happen again?" I wondered, "Everything has been fine." I was again wheeled over to the hospital and plugged up to multiple machines to check my vitals. It was confirmed that I was contracting again. The roller coaster ride began again.

The next 2 days are probably 2 of the worst days of my life. I was put on a high dosage of magnesium right away. If you've never been on magnesium before, it's horrible stuff. It's usually meant to treat seizures and kidney problems, but it's commonly used to stop contractions as well. What it does is relax your muscles, which of course stop the muscles causing the contractions in my case, but it not only relaxes those muscles, it relaxes ALL of your muscles. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open and when I was able to keep them open, I had double vision because my eye muscles were too relaxed. To simply roll over in bed, I had to muster all the strength I had to grasp the handle on the opposite side of the bed and heave myself to the other side. It also makes you nauseous. The only way I can describe being on magnesium is to tell you that it makes you feel like you're drunk, on muscle relaxers, and have the flu at the same time.

Thankfully, the doctors were able to get my contractions to stop and I was eventually able to be taken off the magnesium and have a meal. My friends who threw me the shower came to visit me and brought lots of fun goodies with them to cheer me up (which was my inspiration for The Hospital Survival Kit). One of my favorite things that they brought was a pair of cat socks that weren't very functional, but had great entertainment value.

Cat socks (sorry for the bad quality, it was taken with my phone at the hospital)

I spent the next 4 1/2 weeks on hospital bed rest. I went through a grieving time at first because I couldn't understand how this could happen to me yet again after things were going so well. My doctors had to talk me down quite a few times after begging them to let me go home. As I cried a lot at first, but I eventually understood and agreed with my stay there. I took medications to control my contractions and was constantly monitored. My days were very predictable, but I was also very lucky to have a boss that allowed me to work from the hospital, so that helped me break up the monotony some. I learned to deal with, and eventually tolerate (I can't say like because I would have much rather been at home with my husband and daughter) my stay at the hospital.

I was sent home at 35 weeks, still pregnant and with a good outlook. My son was at a good weight, and he was at a place where his development was not in question. He was born 2 weeks and 2 days after, at 7 pounds even.

Haley meeting her brother for the first time

While it's been hard, I am a better person for all that I went through because I appreciate the blessing that is life that much more. While on hospital bed rest during my last pregnancy,  I heard stories from the nurses of the other girls on my floor who went into labor very early in their pregnancies and gave birth to very small babies with problems, some who did not survive. I am one of the lucky ones who managed to stay pregnant and give birth to 2 healthy babies thanks to God first and foremost, but also thanks to all of the efforts of the doctors and nurses from both pregnancies who took the time to counsel and care for me and my unborn children.


Those who know my history with pregnancies always ask, "Do you think you'll have another?" The answer right now is yes, we have always planned on having a third. We've discussed that topic at length, and our family doesn't feel complete without a third little somebody. All of this of course depends on our financial situation, but we would like to have a third eventually. I know when the time comes, I'll probably have to have a cerclage (where the doctors will sew my cervix closed to keep the baby in until birth), and this is something that I'm nervous about, but I'm more concerned with the health of my future baby.

If you have (or have had) a high-risk pregnancy, I would love to talk to you and encourage you as well as answer any questions you may have to the best of my ability.

Preparing for Baby

Not me, thank you very much. Not yet anyway, I'm having enough fun juggling two right now to think about a third just yet!

Has anyone else noticed that everyone seems to be pregnant or having babies lately? Dana over at MADE just announced that she's pregnant with another little girl on Tuesday - so excited about all the adorable baby projects that are sure to follow! And of course Katy over at No Big Dill just had her 6th child - a little boy! I can't wait to see all the fun boy stuff. I imagine that making boy things after having 5 little girls to sew for must be exciting and intimidating. Then there's Rubyellen over at Cakies who just had her 4th little girl. There's something in the water...and I'm not ready to drink that Kool Aid quite so soon after the last one.

But, if you are pregnant, or you have a friend that is, The Dating Divas have some great ideas on how to prepare for baby. They included some great ideas for essentials like preparing your husband, getting maternity pictures taken, getting your other little ones ready for the new baby, and of course making time for yourself - something that we ladies forget to do!

And you might even see my Hospital Survival Kit for New Mothers over there as part of the roundup :)

Go check out all the fantastic ideas to prepare for a new little one over at The Dating Divas. And in just a few weeks, I'll be blog swapping with them - so excited!

PS - have you taken a guess at what I've been up to lately to win a mystery prize? If you're a follower on Facebook, I've been giving little hints along the way :)

The (neutral) Hospital Survival Kit

Don't forget....there's only one more week until Button Down Rehab begins! Grab your old button down shirts, and come back here some much needed rehab and refashions June 20-July 1.

<a href="http://jensownroad.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img alt="My Own Road Button Down Rehab" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2793/5790608569_d61a4d423c_m.jpg"/></a>

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I wanted to thank everyone for all of your wonderful comments on my Hospital Survival Kit I made for new mothers! I hope you all are able to bless some other new mamas with some much needed goodies to make their stay at the hospital more comfortable too.

I'm so happy to tell you that my friend that I made the kit for had her sweet baby girl, Annabella, on June 7th. When I went to visit her in the hospital, my friend was wearing the headband I gave her and told me the box of granola bars I included in the kit was almost gone. I was so happy to know I was able to help her out in my own way.

And just look at this adorable baby!

Have you ever seen so much beautiful hair on such a little person??

I think she has more than my 6-month-old! Holding that tiny baby kind of made me want another one now. My husband vetoed that idea right away. I suppose I should focus on caring for the two that I have at the moment - at least for another year or so :)

I had a reader post a comment over the weekend that she wanted to make a kit for some of her friends who didn't know their babies' gender yet, so could I make some neutral colored tags as well? Why didn't I do that in the first place??

I updated my post on The Hospital Survival Kit to include gender neutral printables as well as the pink or blue tags.

You can also click HERE to go download them directly.

Sometimes, 1/2 really counts

Remember when you were a kid and someone would ask you how old you were and you'd always make sure to add in the half? "I'm eight and a half." That half was essential. It meant you were that much closer to becoming an adult. Or at least that much closer to becoming a teenager which is thrilling because teenagers got to do all the fun stuff like going rollerskating or staying up past 9pm.

That extra half has become important to me again lately. I'm 31 1/2 weeks pregnant. That half means I'm that much closer to having a baby who is older and less likely to have any problems breathing or eating on his own, which is why I'm strapped to a hospital bed at the moment. The doctors tell me that each day I'm pregnant is one less day that the baby will have to spend in the NICU.

Through all of this, I was curious as to what the goal was since I have little to look forward to each day other than breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was unsure of whether the doctor wanted me to stay in bed for another 8 1/2 weeks as my body slowly becomes one with the mattress, or if they had a different plan in mind. The doctors tell me the plan is to make it to at least 35 weeks, which is when I gave birth to my daughter in my last pregnancy. She was born perfectly healthy with no complications, but apparently little preemie girls do better than preemie boys. The nurses here actually refer to the preemie boys as "wimpy white boys." Probably because they'd rather lay around on their uterine water beds and eat all day rather than bother with being born. Typical.

For now, I'm just counting my blessings as the days continue to pass and I continue to stay pregnant. Plus, the daily naps don't hurt.

Let's keep it boring

A whole 5 days have passed since my admission to the hospital and my life has gotten pretty predictable. Most days go something like this:

• 6:30am: Wake up tangled in my Snoogle (giant pregnancy pillow resembling a huge, cushy candy cane) and bed sheets, feeling slightly hung over from my nightly dosage of Ambien.
• 6:40am: After an epic battle similar to World War I, but without the aid of neighboring countries, manage to free self from the giant pillow.
• 6:45am: Browse the menu on my side table for the 80th time, even though I have the entire thing committed to memory. Wrestle with the difficult decision of whether to order Raisin Bran or french toast sticks. Choose french toast sticks after deciding bed rest + Raisin Bran=recipe for disaster.
• 7:00am: Turn the TV on to TLC to watch "A Baby Story." Watch as multiple women undergo horrible labors that last for 3 days without epidurals. Decide watching this show was probably not my best decision considering my state, and that people who decide not to get an epidural must be at least a little crazy.
• 7:45am: Food arrives. Try to close my eyes and pretend I'm at IHOP. Nurse comes in and checks my blood pressure. Decide that if this same service was offered at IHOP, people would probably eat a lot fewer Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity's.
• 8:00am-12pm: Spend morning switching between TLC, Discovery Channel, Travel Channel, and Food Network. Become very knowledgable about giving birth to multiples, species of animals living in the Amazon, luxury yachts, and how to make a mean chipotle.
• 12:05pm-12:45pm: Order lunch and take an unreasonably long shower since it's one of the only times I'm allowed to stand. Consider attempting to trim hair with toenail clippers. Decide to have husband bring real scissors later to avoid the risk of making myself look like a little boy.
• 12:45pm-2pm: Eat lunch and turn on computer. Facebook stalk everyone on my friends list (hey, I have a lot of time on my hands here. No one is safe.)
• 2:05pm-4:45pm: More television time mixed with occassional book reading.
• 4:50pm-6:30pm: Husband and daughter come to visit. Spend most of the time watching Fresh Beat Band and trying to convince my daughter that the bathroom is not an amusement park. Say goodbye to my family.
• 6:45pm: Eat dinner and make a mental note to never order the turkey and stuffing again, unless I have a sudden craving for shoe leather.
• 7pm-10pm: More TV time.
• 10:05pm: Nurse brings medications. Fall asleep in an Ambien daze.
• Rinse, repeat.

The nurses have been coming in each day to check on me and make sure everything is going well - and probably to make sure I haven't become a zombie yet. A pregnant woman roaming the halls in search of brains is probably not good for the hospital's image. My nurse this afternoon gave me this piece of advice: "Let's keep it boring."

No problem. I've had lots of practice.

Roller coaster

For this post, I had originally planned on writing about all the new winter clothes I've been making Haley with all of the cooler weather. Unfortunately, things don't always go quite as we plan do they? I've discovered that to be more and more true over the past 2 1/2 days. But then again, my road in life isn't full of just valleys. There are the hills, too.

I'm not sure how much I've mentioned previously about the complications I had with my daughter when I was pregnant with her since I started writing this particular blog after she was born, but I'll try to make a long, drawn out story short. While pregnant with her it was discovered that I have a small cervix. For those of you who aren't up to date on female anatomy, the cervix is a very important part that helps to keep the baby in. For women with a small cervix, that means there is a very good chance of having a premature baby. Unfortunately, I am one of those people.

At 25 weeks pregnant with my daughter, my cervix became so shortened that I was forced to go on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, which ended up being 10 more weeks until my daughter made her way into the world in all of her impatient glory after only 30 minutes of pushing. See, I'm great at the whole labor and delivery thing, but I'm not so good at the whole staying pregnant thing. Which brings me to recent events.

This time around, my husband and I were aware of my incompetent cervix. I approached each monthly visit with my OB tentatively, always with the thought in the back of my head that things might take a turn for the worse like they had the last time. But when I made it to 26 weeks with still no sign of a singular complication I thought, "maybe this time things are different!" And they were, but only until this past Tuesday at my 30th week appointment when it was discovered that my cervix had shortened from a normal length of 3 cm to a mere 6 mm.

I can't tell you how disappointed I was at that moment. Disappointed that things were, in fact, NOT different this time around. They were just the same.

And so I was wheeled off to the labor and delivery wing of the hospital to make sure I didn't go into early labor. And that is where I sit now (still pregnant, thankfully.) It's been 2 1/2 days since I was brought here and part of me still can't believe it's even been that long. I feel like I've been on a roller coaster, one that I can't seem to get off. Despite everything though, I have found a lot to be thankful for.

1. My husband. Because of these sudden events, my poor hubby has had to take over a ton of responsibility, including being the sole caretaker of our daughter while I'm at the hospital. If you see my daughter and her hair resembles that of a Troll doll, I take no responsibility.
2. The support of some amazing friends. In the past 2 1/2 days, I've had friends come visit me to keep me company, paint my toenails, bring me foods I've been craving, help my husband care for my little girl at home, bring me reading materials, and handle my vomit container after I got sick. I don't know what I did to deserve such awesome friends, but I know that I'm eternally indebted to at least 9 people, and I'm ok with that.
3. Prayers of family. There's nothing like the knowledge that your family loves you so much that they have an entire state praying for your health and that of your baby. Between mine and my husband's family members, we pretty much have the entire East Coast praying for us.
4. Solid food. When someone tells you you can only eat ice chips for a day-and-a-half it's amazing how good a mediocre cafeteria hamburger can taste.
5. Hot showers. There's nothing like a good, burning hot shower to make you feel human again. It's probably good for the people that have to be around me as well.
6. Animal socks. Really, how can I stay down when I'm wearing monkeys on my feet?
7. I'm still pregnant. Thankfully, this little guy decided it would be ok after all to stay in his uterine home a little while longer.

The continued good health of my baby is what this is all about. While it's so hard for me to be away from my husband and daughter and the comfortable surroundings of my home, I know I'll look back in just a few short weeks after I'm holding this little boy in my arms and say "it was all worth it."

And this will be just another small hill in my journey.