I've been trying to lose the baby weight. And by "trying," I mean I've still been eating a bunch of junk. I mean, it's the holidays! Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Drinking Straw Day (it's true, look it up). That's a lot of celebrating to do, and celebrate I did.
I got ridiculously excited about the fact that I would be pregnant during Thanksgiving. I spent a lot of time talking to my uterus trying to convince Connor to stay in there through Thanksgiving so I could eat my weight in mashed potatoes. Selfish? Maybe a little. What can I say? I like Thanksgiving. It was a glorious, gravy-filled day. Now that the holidays are over, I thought it was probably time I tried a little harder to not look like I was still 4 months pregnant, so I started doing EA Sports Active for the Wii.
My mother-in-law got the game for me a year ago for Christmas and I was addicted right away. Finally, someone designed a game that tricks you into working out and making it actually enjoyable. After doing their 6 week challenge, I noticed that I was more toned and I felt stronger, which made it easier to carry my toddler and hover over public restroom toilets longer. Always a good thing. After getting home from having Connor, I decided to try the 6 week challenge to lose some of the weight. Everything was going well. I made it through most of the 4 day-a-week workouts while Connor napped. Some weeks, I even did one or two extra workouts on the weekends. But then, I hit a speed bump. That speed bump's name is Haley.
When I worked out before, it was always by myself while Haley was in daycare. This past weekend I thought it would be safe to work out while both the kids and my husband were napping. If you have kids, then you know that they have psychic powers. They sense the exact moment you decide to do something for yourself. The minute you turn your attention away from them to take a hot shower or sit down to watch your favorite TV show, that's when they choose to color on the kitchen floor or cover the cat in Vaseline.
I began my workout as usual but 12 minutes in, I heard my daughter (who has napped for a whole 7 minutes) knocking on her door to be let out. "I'm halfway done with my workout," I foolishly thought to myself, "I'll just keep going while she plays." As I continued my workout, Haley watched for a few minutes, then began to do everything in her power to increase my exercise difficulty from "hard" to "nearly impossible." When I tried to perform tricep kickbacks, Haley tugged on the resistance band. When I attempted push ups, Haley climbed on my back and tried to ride me like a horse. On the screen my virtual trainer, Nicki, reminded me to pay attention to how she performed the exercise. Through heaves, I explain to Nicki that I have a toddler clinging to my back and that she should try doing 16 push ups while being treated like a thoroughbred. Nicki tells me to try again. I get the feeling she's not listening.
I have a suggestion for EA Sports. When choosing how you would like to work out, in addition to "work out alone" and "work out with a friend," they need to add "work out with a toddler." With this option, your virtual trainer demonstrates all exercises while being assaulted by a two-year-old. As she demonstrates leg lifts, the virtual toddler clings to her leg yelling, "MommyMommyMommyMommy!" When she demonstrates how to do forward lunges, the toddler builds a tower of blocks in her path. Every exercise would only consist of 2 reps, but the calorie burn would be twice as much in half the time.
I noticed this morning that I've lost a total of 2 pounds. Maybe I should credit the "rideMommylikeahorse push ups."